Screw "YOU"

What we identify with ISN'T WHO we really are. Stop allowing your habitual labels define and limit you. Screw the "YOU" that holds you back, and design the "YOU" that is consistent with the life you want to live.

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Tell me who “YOU” are, and I will tell you where you have set your limits

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We are often asked to define ourselves, and, while it is necessary to use labels that define “YOU” in certain circumstances and settings – what ultimately hurts us is when we buy into those labels and identities and associate with them too closely. Every label, every definition, every piece of identity, every trait we assign to our “SELF,” sets boundaries, sets limits, and makes it more difficult for us to stay fluid, grow, and challenge the “impossible.”

Fluidity

Human beings, unlike any other creatures, have the ability to adapt, change, evolve, and design and re-design themselves to a fascinating extent. Leaving out the subject of spirituality and possible superhuman capabilities, for the sake of sticking to undisputed science and facts, I will only refer to one undeniable proof that will demonstrate that fluidity, not identity is our natural state.

What do I mean by fluidity? Think of water – a falling drop appears to have borders, yet those borders disappear when it unites with other “drops.” There is a beautiful saying by a Persian poet, Rumi: “You are not a drop in the ocean, but an entire ocean in a drop.”

Think of a “stubborn water” that, having been poured into a container, “believes” itself to be the container itself – protecting that “right” to be limited by the container, while gradually becoming stale and toxic. “I am who I am” - this is exactly how we let our “labels” and “identities” limit and even ruin us, our lives, and our relationships with others. These “containers” are everything – your physical characteristics, every defining trait, habit, preference, like and dislike – whatever makes it to your “YOU” list.

The Proof

The best testament to fluidity being our natural state is our very “design.” See, a human brain – the very organ that controls every aspect of our existence and functioning, has this fascinating feature- called neuroplasticity, which, simply put – is the ability of the brain to change its structure and physiology. This is in fact how the brain of a child develops – by connecting cells in our brain (neurons) in response to the needs dictated by our environment. This is how we get “wired.”

Imagine an infinite number of dots – they connect by sending signals between themselves, and those firing signals create pathways that become stronger and stronger the more they fire back and forth.

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This is how we learn, this is how we create habits, and essentially – this is how we create our “selves.”

Just like a new trail in the forest - first, those neural pathways are weak – this is the very beginning of learning something new– it is a somewhat uncomfortable state of “figuring things out.” But the more we repeat something, the more those neurons fire at each other, the more defined that “forest trail” becomes, and some end up evolving into “five-lane highways” after a while. This concerns everything – from learning how to move in a certain way (from learning to walk to learning to dance), to the way we perceive the world, apply critical thinking, handle our emotions, and even the way we get sick and recover! It is literally everything!

Whatever you are taking personally – don’t- you are just used to being wired that way.

The fascinating thing is that up until quite recently, late 1940ies, it was believed that neuroplasticity only occurs during childhood, which has since been proven to be wrong – in fact, the brain retains that ability for life, which means we have the capability to design and re-design every aspect of our “selves” as many times as we want, as long as we know the mechanics behind that process and are willing to do the work. What can you change? Everything! From the way you approach each thought, to the way things and people can affect you, to the way you react to events, people – literally everything!

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What “YOU” are then, is a "no-thing," but an infinite realm of possibilities…

I will go into much more detail on this and many other subjects in other posts on this blog, so, make sure to subscribe to receive fresh content. But for the sake of this introduction, I will move on to the next point.

Is identity then completely useless?

Absolutely not! Just like any piece of knowledge, as long as you use it instead of becoming a slave to it and devoting yourself to defending it, identity is a tool – you should know how to build as many of them as you need and use them, just like you would use a certain dressing style – it is there to communicate your point and get you to your goals, but not to make you a prisoner.

Imagine if you committed to a clothing style to an extent you commit to some beliefs. Let’s say you define yourself as a “suit person.” That may make you appropriate and successful in business, courtroom, or within any other “suit” framework, but how out of place would you feel on the beach, at a party, or in the gym?! By the same token, a commitment to a lifelong pool party outfit would certainly restrict your career options, wouldn’t it? You get the point.

Use what you know, use traits, identities, and any other labels just like you use your wardrobe.

And just like with your wardrobe and knowing how to style yourself appropriately – knowing how to build a powerful identity and multiple "characters" is a good tool to have.

Check out my article on self-created identities for more on the subject.

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